Please stop it. You’re being ridiculous.

Kim promised me we’d be foster parents for only two weeks. That was over four months ago.

This week, I discovered that the City of Fresno only allows four pets per single-family household. Maggie puts us at four, so we’re in the clear of potential violations, but I’m afraid Kim’s becoming too attached.

Kim’s also wanting a baby, so eventually we need to make room for one more. That’s a good reason for you to adopt Maggie, right?

In case you need more:

• She’s darn cute.
• She burps (but in the cute, abnormal way).
• At under 35 pounds, she’s portable.
• You won’t find a sweeter, smarter dog¹

¹I’m not kidding. Maggie has been accepted by all three of our dogs—including Darla, our alpha. She has never growled, barked or bitten, and would love nothing more than to curl in a ball in front of someone. (That someone could be you…)

1. The missing sock isn’t always lost in the dryer.
2. A persistent puppy will consume anything…even if her stomach has already refused to process it.

I’ll let you connect the dots.

We already have three dogs.

I’ve temporarily named this one Chunk (Kim thought Chubs just wasn’t appropriate), and she’s slept in our bedroom the last two nights. But she needs a home where she doesn’t have to compete for attention with as many needy canines—so if you’ve been looking for the perfect Christmas gift, look no further.

We don’t know what breed chunk is (I’m guessing some sort of boxer terrier mix), but she’s very young. She loves to play, gets along well with other dogs, sleeps through the night, and is well on her way to being housebroken. She likes to be near people (especially when sleeping) and will bring a lot of love to whomever welcomes her in.

Please, someone, take her in…

Last night, as we walked toward California Ave., we noticed that things seemed a bit brighter than before. Evidently, the good folks at the city decided we could have (street) light again! We’ve now gone two whole days without wire theft…

The route we’ve been taking is a bit depressing, as several of the homes across the street are not only abandoned, but they look as though someone has been taking advantage of the vacancies, which is a big safety concern for us. We’ve also noticed that another house on our loop looks as though it’s about to be left for dead: the grass and weed mixture is knee-high and dying, there are dozens of boxes piled high outside of the door, and yet there is no “for sale” sign.

I imagine, given the financial collapses of the last week or so, we’re in for a longer ride that we’d hoped.

The site reminded me of Kim’s most recent attempts to “test” Darla’s behavior while we were away from the house. Past experience has taught us to confine her to a kennel if we’re going to be gone for more than 15-20 minutes, but every three months or so, Kim decides to give the dog another chance, despite my objections.

Darla has completely destroyed books, including Kim’s favorite Bible, shoes, remotes, food containers, etc. Most items have been easy to either replace or forget, but, as a dog, she has no ability to discern value.

Anyway, back to the most recent experience: we weren’t gone for long, and Kim scoured the house, picking up anything within reasonable reach (though Darla has proved to be part mountain goat, part cat) save the furniture. Kim did a good job, too; she just forgot the stack of magazines under the side table.

I came home, hesitantly opened the door, and then dropped my jaw.

Darla had destroyed each of the magazines, scattering their pages from the front door to the back. Honestly, I wasn’t upset, as it was quite humorous—and we have no attachment to the magazines. The total collection filled a garbage bag to the seams.

Yes, they all sleep on the bed, but not every night.

And yes, sometimes they like to sleep in a bit after we get up in the morning.